Don’t worry – I was not offended or scared away by the parenting comments. It’s human nature to assume that when kids misbehave, it’s the parents’ fault. And it probably usually is.
My kids, who both steal often and have done so most of their lives, struggle with many behavioral issues. We adopted them from Eastern European orphanages. We have always sought out the best help for them, and they have been seeing expert therapists and psychiatrists for most of their lives, and continue to do so.
We have taught them all the reasons why it’s wrong to steal. (Including the laws against stealing, the Ten Commandments, and how stealing hurts others and themselves.) In our home, it’s not a lack of knowledge, or lack of consequences, or lack of ‘the right treatment’, or lack of solid happily-married highly-ethical parents, or lack of a stable home, or lack of good parenting.
Institutions are very bad places for babies and kids, and the harm that they endure in these places often causes many challenges that are extremely difficult to overcome.
I’m not saying that we’re perfect parents (we aren’t) but we are regularly praised (by their therapy teams, and our family and friends) for the love we give and the sacrifices that we make for these kids. And our kids love us, though they sometimes act the opposite.
Now that I’ve been a parent for about 15 years, I no longer look at other peoples’ kids’ misbehaviors and silently blame the parents. Instead I think … maybe those kids are in the foster care system … maybe their birth parents were too strung out on drugs or alcohol and badly neglected them, and these parents they’re currently with are fostering them. Maybe those kids are adopted from orphanages, like ours are. Maybe those kids have somewhat-hidden health issues, such as autism, that make it extra challenging for them to behave themselves.
For our kids … it not our parenting, or bad relationships, or the neighborhood or their peers. They are very challenged, and we are giving them all the love and help that we possibly can give.
We don’t expect a video system, or SmartThings, or showing them video evidence as proof, to fix our kids’ behaviors or solve the underlying problems that have led to habitual stealing. My hopes are that the security system as a whole will 1) help boost their own sense of self-control (knowing that they will likely get caught); and 2) help us get back the stuff that they steal from us sooner – before they have time to break it, throw it away or sell it.
I continue to learn from and appreciate all of the wonderful advice - especially the advice about camera systems.